Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables: senior moments



Director: Sylvester Stallone Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren At least in marketing terms, Sylvester Stallone is some kind of genius. For this latest chapter in his ongoing mission to revive his 1980s action-man brand, the 64-year-old actor-director smartly enlists former screen rivals Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger to hammer home the point. Never mind that all three share only a single scene, looking like an awkward Planet Hollywood reunion meeting. The accompanying buzz has already helped make The Expendables a successful chart-topper in several countries, including the US and UK.

Stallone directs, co-writes and stars as the leader of an international gang of freelance mercenaries. Jason Statham plays his main sidekick, with Jet Li as comic relief and Mickey Rourke as a retired ex-colleague. Stallone's fellow Rocky veteran, Dolph Lundgren, plays the team's loose cannon. Money is their main motivation, but these modern-day cowboys are secretly sensitive souls too, guided by conscience and honour and the occasional doomed romance.

We first see Stallone's team cheerfully blasting a crew of Somali pirates to bloody pulp. Later, they embark on a perilous mission to a fictional Latin American island state ruled by a sadistic general and his shady business partners, a murderous team of rogue CIA cocaine traffickers. Endless gun battles, hand-to-hand fights, car chases and huge explosions follow. Ho hum. Stallone may be in impressively gym-pumped shape for a 64-year-old, but he still makes for a craggy, creaky, laughably stiff action hero. In their close-up shots he, Lundgren and Rourke all look faintly grotesque, like waxwork zombies. And yet, strangely, the script makes almost no mention of their elderly status. This is a shame because there is a long and noble tradition of middle-aged action stars addressing their advancing years on film, from The Wild Bunch to the forthcoming retired CIA-agent comedy, Red. Clint Eastwood was 62 when he made his masterful farewell to the western genre, Unforgiven. In other words, two years younger than Stallone in The Expendables. Call it ego, or plain clumsiness, but Sly certainly misses an opportunity for autumnal wisdom and self-mocking humour.

Then again, wisdom or humour of any kind have no place here. The Expendabless could have been a thoughtful reappraisal of Stallone's action-man screen persona, like Unforgiven, or a deliriously overblown pulp-genre reinvention in Tarantino mode. Sadly, it is neither. With its incoherent plot, wooden acting, clunky direction and excruciatingly bad dialogue, this noisy vanity project is more like one of those Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme B-movies that go directly to DVD.

Ironically, both Seagal and Van Damme declined minor roles in The Expendables. So they do have some standards after all. However, both Willis and Schwarzenegger drop in briefly to share a senior moment, the script's single lame attempt at audience-nudging wit. But that is not reason enough for you to waste your time and money on this groaningly clichéd, irredeemably moronic, lowest-common-denominator celebration of macho firepower. Needless to say, Stallone is already planning a sequel.

* Stephen Dalton

The specs

Engine: 2.9-litre twin-turbo V6

Power: 540hp at 6,500rpm

Torque: 600Nm at 2,500rpm

Transmission: Eight-speed auto

Kerb weight: 1580kg

Price: From Dh750k

On sale: via special order

Kathryn Hawkes of House of Hawkes on being a good guest (because we’ve all had bad ones)

  • Arrive with a thank you gift, or make sure you have one for your host by the time you leave. 
  • Offer to buy groceries, cook them a meal or take your hosts out for dinner.
  • Help out around the house.
  • Entertain yourself so that your hosts don’t feel that they constantly need to.
  • Leave no trace of your stay – if you’ve borrowed a book, return it to where you found it.
  • Offer to strip the bed before you go.
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THE BIO: Martin Van Almsick

Hometown: Cologne, Germany

Family: Wife Hanan Ahmed and their three children, Marrah (23), Tibijan (19), Amon (13)

Favourite dessert: Umm Ali with dark camel milk chocolate flakes

Favourite hobby: Football

Breakfast routine: a tall glass of camel milk

Skewed figures

In the village of Mevagissey in southwest England the housing stock has doubled in the last century while the number of residents is half the historic high. The village's Neighbourhood Development Plan states that 26% of homes are holiday retreats. Prices are high, averaging around £300,000, £50,000 more than the Cornish average of £250,000. The local average wage is £15,458. 

Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.

Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.

Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.

Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.

“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.

Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.

From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.

Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.

BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.

Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.

Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.

“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.

Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.

“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.

“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”

The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”

The Birkin bag is made by Hermès. 
It is named after actress and singer Jane Birkin
Noone from Hermès will go on record to say how much a new Birkin costs, how long one would have to wait to get one, and how many bags are actually made each year.

Name: Peter Dicce

Title: Assistant dean of students and director of athletics

Favourite sport: soccer

Favourite team: Bayern Munich

Favourite player: Franz Beckenbauer

Favourite activity in Abu Dhabi: scuba diving in the Northern Emirates 

 

THE BIO

Family: I have three siblings, one older brother (age 25) and two younger sisters, 20 and 13 

Favourite book: Asking for my favourite book has to be one of the hardest questions. However a current favourite would be Sidewalk by Mitchell Duneier

Favourite place to travel to: Any walkable city. I also love nature and wildlife 

What do you love eating or cooking: I’m constantly in the kitchen. Ever since I changed the way I eat I enjoy choosing and creating what goes into my body. However, nothing can top home cooked food from my parents. 

Favorite place to go in the UAE: A quiet beach.

Company%20Profile
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Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal

Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham

Rating: 3.5/5