According to some calculations, Michael McIntyre is the most commercially successful comedian on the planet.
Last year alone, the British funster was reported to have made £21 million (Dh118m) in ticket sales from his stadium tour. Then there are the hundreds of thousands of DVD sales on top of that.
His popularity rests on the fact that, despite his vast fortune, he still portrays himself on stage as a hapless buffoon, readily admitting that he's prone to the social faux pas we all occasionally succumb to.
Then, he uses this persona to reel off a string of relatable observations about everyday matters.
So when he appeared at the Dubai World Trade Centre on Friday for the first of his two-night stand, his perceptions of his host city covered some predictably facile topics.
The unbearably hot weather of the summer months was joked about, as was the overt opulence of the populace.
He also jested that while Dubai might have the tallest buildings, the largest man-made islands and the vastest malls, it also had "the shortest breaking distances", referring to motorists' propensity for tailgating.
While it struck a chord with the mainly British expatriate crowd, this material didn't really compare in quality to the generic gags from his UK tour.
A highlight was his brilliant deconstruction of the phonetic spellings of people's first names, imagining a social gathering made up of guests with the same names, all spelt slightly differently ("no party's complete without them, the three Shauns are here - Shaun, Sean and Shawn").
While an anecdote about a disastrous trip to the dentist, in which an intractable wisdom tooth led to hospitalisation, was pure slapstick in its hilarity.
The Sheikh Rashid Hall auditorium was almost at full capacity for this show. And despite tickets costing up to Dh1,000 per seat, everyone seemed happy with the fact that they were adding to McIntyre's reputed substantial riches.
Yes, his act is inoffensive and comfortably predictable, but his wry observations are just original enough to provide plenty of mirth for all.
Even if you weren't rolling on the floor in convulsions of laughter, one couldn't help but sport a permanent smile.
hberger@thenational.ae
The smuggler
Eldarir had arrived at JFK in January 2020 with three suitcases, containing goods he valued at $300, when he was directed to a search area.
Officers found 41 gold artefacts among the bags, including amulets from a funerary set which prepared the deceased for the afterlife.
Also found was a cartouche of a Ptolemaic king on a relief that was originally part of a royal building or temple.
The largest single group of items found in Eldarir’s cases were 400 shabtis, or figurines.
Khouli conviction
Khouli smuggled items into the US by making false declarations to customs about the country of origin and value of the items.
According to Immigration and Customs Enforcement, he provided “false provenances which stated that [two] Egyptian antiquities were part of a collection assembled by Khouli's father in Israel in the 1960s” when in fact “Khouli acquired the Egyptian antiquities from other dealers”.
He was sentenced to one year of probation, six months of home confinement and 200 hours of community service in 2012 after admitting buying and smuggling Egyptian antiquities, including coffins, funerary boats and limestone figures.
For sale
A number of other items said to come from the collection of Ezeldeen Taha Eldarir are currently or recently for sale.
Their provenance is described in near identical terms as the British Museum shabti: bought from Salahaddin Sirmali, "authenticated and appraised" by Hossen Rashed, then imported to the US in 1948.
- An Egyptian Mummy mask dating from 700BC-30BC, is on offer for £11,807 ($15,275) online by a seller in Mexico
- A coffin lid dating back to 664BC-332BC was offered for sale by a Colorado-based art dealer, with a starting price of $65,000
- A shabti that was on sale through a Chicago-based coin dealer, dating from 1567BC-1085BC, is up for $1,950
Racecard
6.35pm: American Business Council – Maiden (PA) Dh80,000 (Dirt) 1,600m
7.10pm: British Business Group – Maiden (TB) Dh82,500 (D) 1,200m
7.45pm: CCI France UAE – Handicap (TB) Dh87,500 (D) 1,400m
8.20pm: Czech Business Council – Rated Conditions (TB) Dh105,000 (D) 1,400m
8.55pm: Netherlands Business Council – Rated Conditions (TB) Dh95,000 (D) 1,600m
9.30pm: Indian Business and Professional Council – Handicap (TB) Dh95,000 (D) 1,200m
PFA Premier League team of 2018-19
Allison (Liverpool)
Trent Alexander-Arnold (Liverpool)
Virgil van Dijk (Liverpool)
Aymeric Laporte (Manchester City)
Andrew Robertson (Liverpool)
Paul Pogba (Manchester United)
Fernandinho (Manchester City)
Bernardo Silva (Manchester City)
Raheem Sterling (Manchester City)
Sergio Aguero (Manchester City)
Sadio Mane (Liverpool)
At a glance
Global events: Much of the UK’s economic woes were blamed on “increased global uncertainty”, which can be interpreted as the economic impact of the Ukraine war and the uncertainty over Donald Trump’s tariffs.
Growth forecasts: Cut for 2025 from 2 per cent to 1 per cent. The OBR watchdog also estimated inflation will average 3.2 per cent this year
Welfare: Universal credit health element cut by 50 per cent and frozen for new claimants, building on cuts to the disability and incapacity bill set out earlier this month
Spending cuts: Overall day-to day-spending across government cut by £6.1bn in 2029-30
Tax evasion: Steps to crack down on tax evasion to raise “£6.5bn per year” for the public purse
Defence: New high-tech weaponry, upgrading HM Naval Base in Portsmouth
Housing: Housebuilding to reach its highest in 40 years, with planning reforms helping generate an extra £3.4bn for public finances
2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups
Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.
Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.
Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.
Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, (Leon banned).
Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.
Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.
Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.
Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.
Tuesday's fixtures
Kyrgyzstan v Qatar, 5.45pm
More on animal trafficking
Sri Lanka squad
Dinesh Chandimal, Dimuth Karunaratne, Kaushal Silva, Kusal Mendis, Angelo Mathews, Lahiru Thirimanne, Niroshan Dickwella, Sadeera Samarawickrama, Rangana Herath, Suranga Lakmal, Nuwan Pradeep, Lakshan Sandakan, Vishwa Fernando, Lahiru Kumara, Jeffrey Vandersay, Milinda Siriwardana, Roshen Silva, Akila Dananjaya, Charith Asalanka, Shaminda Eranga and Dhammika Prasad.
Match info
Uefa Champions League Group F
Manchester City v Hoffenheim, midnight (Wednesday, UAE)
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Stamp duty timeline
December 2014: Former UK finance minister George Osbourne reforms stamp duty, replacing the slab system with a blended rate scheme, with the top rate increasing to 12 per cent from 10 per cent:
Up to £125,000 - 0%; £125,000 to £250,000 – 2%; £250,000 to £925,000 – 5%; £925,000 to £1.5m: 10%; Over £1.5m – 12%
April 2016: New 3% surcharge applied to any buy-to-let properties or additional homes purchased.
July 2020: Rishi Sunak unveils SDLT holiday, with no tax to pay on the first £500,000, with buyers saving up to £15,000.
March 2021: Mr Sunak decides the fate of SDLT holiday at his March 3 budget, with expectations he will extend the perk unti June.
April 2021: 2% SDLT surcharge added to property transactions made by overseas buyers.
