Of the latest crop of film remakes to be announced in the trade press, which sounds the least essential? A big-screen treatment of TJ Hooker, the bombastic cop drama that contrived to keep William Shatner on television throughout the early 1980s? Or a reprise of Short Circuit, a family comedy about the adventures of a military robot who breaks his programming and gets a Mohican haircut?
This duology, by the way, is now best remembered for its playground-delighting catchphrase "Your mama was a snowblower!" and for its unselfconscious use of brownface (check out Fisher Stevens as Ben Jahrvi), both features which may be key to the lingering appeal of the franchise.
At any rate, The Weinstein Company appeared to have tonal concerns: it took the screenwriters Brent Maddock and SS Wilson off the job (they're now doing TJ Hooker), and replaced them with Dan Milano, best known for the screwball pop-culture cartoon Robot Chicken, for all your scatological Star Wars parody needs. Short Circuit's spirit of blithe offensiveness may live on after all.
Ah, but what is there for the more discerning remake fan? A little over a week ago, viewers were threatened with a new version of John Landis's horror comedy An American Werewolf in London, a film that broke ground with its monster effects and that now plays as a quaint time capsule of Britain as it appeared to 1970s Californians. Since neither of these selling-points can be duplicated with any reliability, one wonders what the point of the exercise could be.
Perhaps the studio is hoping to pull a bait-and-switch on the Twilight fan base. If they fell for teenage vampires, the thought goes, surely backpacker lycanthropes are just a few disappointing SATs away.
That isn't all. The serially feuding rapper The Game is rumoured to be a favourite to play BA Baracus in a feature-length reworking of the 1980s action series The A-Team. Headline writers will applaud this piece of casting even if nobody else does.
Meanwhile, Beyoncé Knowles has expressed a wish to take the lead role in a musical remake of the Whoopi Goldberg vehicle Sister Act, itself a thematic retread of the British comedy Nuns On the Run. And lest we forget, at the time of writing the US box office chart is being comprehensively dominated by the - deep breath - sequel to a franchise reboot of a cartoon that took a range of toy machines as its starting point. In the arena of the summer blockbuster, the Transformers are our new robot overlords. That's the power of remakes.
So they sell. But who actually likes them? Well, studios do, of course, or else they wouldn't keep foisting them on us. Looking at the issue from their point of view, one can see the rationality of this. A film is always an expensive gamble: who can be blamed for trying to stack the odds with an existing audience? It works, too: one dunderheaded action flick costs as much to make as the next one, and scores of them come out every year. But if you get to put a big picture of BA Baracus baring his guns on your poster, accompanied by the tagline "I pity the fool!", your film will have an edge: a million tiny flickers of recognition - scarcely more than indifference - can add up to an impressive bump at the box office.
Yet for the most part it's hard to get excited, even when you liked the original. In fact, liking the original is often the worst thing you can do if you want to enjoy the new version. The oddest thing about the sociology of remakes is the sense of betrayal a revamp can engender in its natural constituency. Never mind that the cherished original still exists, that it remains undamaged by the new project and is probably being sold off on special offer at DVD shops cashing in on a wave of publicity.
Even when the remake is good, the fans wail. The American satirical website The Onion caught this nicely when the wonderful new Star Trek film came out: it ran a video headlined: "Trekkies Bash New Star Trek Film As 'Fun, Watchable'". And the funniest part is, they did.
No wonder executives seem to prefer remaking bilge like Short Circuit. If no one liked it to start with, there won't be any hurt feelings now.
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
What you as a drone operator need to know
A permit and licence is required to fly a drone legally in Dubai.
Sanad Academy is the United Arab Emirate’s first RPA (Remotely Piloted Aircraft) training and certification specialists endorsed by the Dubai Civil Aviation authority.
It is responsible to train, test and certify drone operators and drones in UAE with DCAA Endorsement.
“We are teaching people how to fly in accordance with the laws of the UAE,” said Ahmad Al Hamadi, a trainer at Sanad.
“We can show how the aircraft work and how they are operated. They are relatively easy to use, but they need responsible pilots.
“Pilots have to be mature. They are given a map of where they can and can’t fly in the UAE and we make these points clear in the lectures we give.
“You cannot fly a drone without registration under any circumstances.”
Larger drones are harder to fly, and have a different response to location control. There are no brakes in the air, so the larger drones have more power.
The Sanad Academy has a designated area to fly off the Al Ain Road near Skydive Dubai to show pilots how to fly responsibly.
“As UAS technology becomes mainstream, it is important to build wider awareness on how to integrate it into commerce and our personal lives,” said Major General Abdulla Khalifa Al Marri, Commander-in-Chief, Dubai Police.
“Operators must undergo proper training and certification to ensure safety and compliance.
“Dubai’s airspace will undoubtedly experience increased traffic as UAS innovations become commonplace, the Forum allows commercial users to learn of best practice applications to implement UAS safely and legally, while benefitting a whole range of industries.”
The National's picks
4.35pm: Tilal Al Khalediah
5.10pm: Continous
5.45pm: Raging Torrent
6.20pm: West Acre
7pm: Flood Zone
7.40pm: Straight No Chaser
8.15pm: Romantic Warrior
8.50pm: Calandogan
9.30pm: Forever Young
Test
Director: S Sashikanth
Cast: Nayanthara, Siddharth, Meera Jasmine, R Madhavan
Star rating: 2/5
The specs
AT4 Ultimate, as tested
Engine: 6.2-litre V8
Power: 420hp
Torque: 623Nm
Transmission: 10-speed automatic
Price: From Dh330,800 (Elevation: Dh236,400; AT4: Dh286,800; Denali: Dh345,800)
On sale: Now
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%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EEngine%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E2.0-litre%20four-cyl%20turbo%20%2B%20mild%20hybrid%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPower%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E204hp%20at%205%2C800rpm%20%2B23hp%20hybrid%20boost%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ETorque%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E320Nm%20at%201%2C800rpm%20%2B205Nm%20hybrid%20boost%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ETransmission%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E9-speed%20auto%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFuel%20consumption%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E7.3L%2F100km%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EOn%20sale%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ENovember%2FDecember%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPrice%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EFrom%20Dh205%2C000%20(estimate)%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Shubh Mangal Saavdhan
Directed by: RS Prasanna
Starring: Ayushmann Khurrana, Bhumi Pednekar
Specs
Engine: Duel electric motors
Power: 659hp
Torque: 1075Nm
On sale: Available for pre-order now
Price: On request
FIGHT INFO
Men’s 60kg Round 1:
Ahmad Shuja Jamal (AFG) beat Krisada Takhiankliang (THA) - points
Hyan Aljmyah (SYR) beat Akram Alyminee (YEM) - retired Round 1
Ibrahim Bilal (UAE) beat Bhanu Pratap Pandit (IND) - TKO Round 1
Men’s 71kg Round 1:
Seyed Kaveh Soleyman (IRI) beat Abedel Rahman (JOR) - RSC round 3.
Amine Al Moatassime (UAE) walk over Ritiz Puri (NEP)
T20 WORLD CUP QUALIFIERS
Qualifier A, Muscat
(All matches to be streamed live on icc.tv)
Fixtures
Friday, February 18: 10am Oman v Nepal, Canada v Philippines; 2pm Ireland v UAE, Germany v Bahrain
Saturday, February 19: 10am Oman v Canada, Nepal v Philippines; 2pm UAE v Germany, Ireland v Bahrain
Monday, February 21: 10am Ireland v Germany, UAE v Bahrain; 2pm Nepal v Canada, Oman v Philippines
Tuesday, February 22: 2pm Semi-finals
Thursday, February 24: 2pm Final
UAE squad:Ahmed Raza(captain), Muhammad Waseem, Chirag Suri, Vriitya Aravind, Rohan Mustafa, Kashif Daud, Zahoor Khan, Alishan Sharafu, Raja Akifullah, Karthik Meiyappan, Junaid Siddique, Basil Hameed, Zafar Farid, Mohammed Boota, Mohammed Usman, Rahul Bhatia
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
Ticket prices
General admission Dh295 (under-three free)
Buy a four-person Family & Friends ticket and pay for only three tickets, so the fourth family member is free
Buy tickets at: wbworldabudhabi.com/en/tickets
