These are uneasy times and we must clutch at every fil we can, like a squirrel readying itself for hibernation. Imagine the financial pickle, then, that several thousand Oasis fans now find themselves in.
Last month, at a gig just outside Manchester at Heaton Park, more than 70,000 fans flocked to see the band belt out classics like Wonderwall, Some Might Say and Don't Look Back in Anger. For this dubious pleasure, they each parted with £45 (Dh270).
The problems kicked off at the start of the set when generator problems meant Liam, Noel and the other members of the band walked offstage to boos from the crowd. The boys and their eyebrows waltzed on again 10 minutes later, but difficulties struck back and this time the band was forced to retreat for 40 minutes while stage hands frantically tweaked wires and fixed the situation.
"Really sorry about that," said Liam when they re-appeared. "This is a free gig now. Everyone will get a refund." For those who are acquainted with Liam Gallagher and his charmless utterings, that in itself is something of a feat. He is, after all, the brother who recently told fans at a Coventry gig to stop clapping in time to the music. "This is Oasis, not Simple Minds," he shouted gracelessly.
Back in Manchester before the evening was out, his brother Noel was fighting back with a more traditional Gallagher tone. "Kind of regret offering you your money back now," he said bitterly.
The plot thickens. Twenty thousand fans applied for a refund, which has left Oasis facing a bill of £900,000 (Dh5.36m). A promise is a promise though, even in Manchester, and the lengthy process of refunds started last week. But what's this? The Gallagher brothers have signed the refund cheques themselves, and the cheques - though officially from NatWest - have been amended so they look like they've been issued by the fictitious Oasis Bank of Burnage, the Mancunian district where the pair grew up.
In case the fans don't realise the crafty intentions behind this ploy, a band spokeswoman helpfully offered an explanation. "People can cash them in," she said. "But they are quite distinctive, so a few people might decide to keep them."
So after all that, the fans' quandary is thus: keep the cheques as an investment or cash in their current value and forfeit a piece of Oasis memorabilia. Several have already made their way on to eBay. "I have put it on here for the diehard fans to have one," explains a seller named purplejo1010. "I have obviously put a reserve fee so that I do not loose [sic] out in any way." Of course, Purplejo1010, for what kind of monstrous world do we live in if we cannot make a quick buck online?
Other Oasis fansites are rife with discussions over the problem, too. "Colour copy it so you have a copy which looks like the original and then cash it in. Simple!" witters Mike S from Manchester.
Another fan, Black Flag, compares the dastardly duo's move to that of Salvador Dalí, who used to draw pictures on the back of cheques he would write for restaurant bills so that they would end up framed, not cashed in. The brothers aren't perhaps in quite the same league, but it's a touching sentiment, Black Flag.
So for the Gallagher brothers, the moral of the story is perhaps make absolutely sure that you've run through a sound check before the start of a gig. They appeared not to have taken this on board before their Wembley show last week when a rendition of Wonderwall was beset with sound problems. On that occasion, however, Noel moved like a viper. "Can I just categorically say no one is getting their money back," he announced.
For the fans, given the precarious nature of the world's banking systems, they might find the cheques currently more valuable than cash anyway. According to one of the world's most comprehensive autograph indices, Fraser's, the scribble of a celebrity can wield worthy dividends. Since 1997, for example, autographs by a motley groups of names as disparate as Fidel Castro, Princess Diana, Neil Armstrong and Paul McCartney have appreciated more than 1,000 per cent. Get bidding for those cheques on eBay, trophy hunters; to the victor belong the spoils.
Election pledges on migration
CDU: "Now is the time to control the German borders and enforce strict border rejections"
SPD: "Border closures and blanket rejections at internal borders contradict the spirit of a common area of freedom"
At a glance
Global events: Much of the UK’s economic woes were blamed on “increased global uncertainty”, which can be interpreted as the economic impact of the Ukraine war and the uncertainty over Donald Trump’s tariffs.
Growth forecasts: Cut for 2025 from 2 per cent to 1 per cent. The OBR watchdog also estimated inflation will average 3.2 per cent this year
Welfare: Universal credit health element cut by 50 per cent and frozen for new claimants, building on cuts to the disability and incapacity bill set out earlier this month
Spending cuts: Overall day-to day-spending across government cut by £6.1bn in 2029-30
Tax evasion: Steps to crack down on tax evasion to raise “£6.5bn per year” for the public purse
Defence: New high-tech weaponry, upgrading HM Naval Base in Portsmouth
Housing: Housebuilding to reach its highest in 40 years, with planning reforms helping generate an extra £3.4bn for public finances
FFP EXPLAINED
What is Financial Fair Play?
Introduced in 2011 by Uefa, European football’s governing body, it demands that clubs live within their means. Chiefly, spend within their income and not make substantial losses.
What the rules dictate?
The second phase of its implementation limits losses to €30 million (Dh136m) over three seasons. Extra expenditure is permitted for investment in sustainable areas (youth academies, stadium development, etc). Money provided by owners is not viewed as income. Revenue from “related parties” to those owners is assessed by Uefa's “financial control body” to be sure it is a fair value, or in line with market prices.
What are the penalties?
There are a number of punishments, including fines, a loss of prize money or having to reduce squad size for European competition – as happened to PSG in 2014. There is even the threat of a competition ban, which could in theory lead to PSG’s suspension from the Uefa Champions League.
How The Debt Panel's advice helped readers in 2019
December 11: 'My husband died, so what happens to the Dh240,000 he owes in the UAE?'
JL, a housewife from India, wrote to us about her husband, who died earlier this month. He left behind an outstanding loan of Dh240,000 and she was hoping to pay it off with an insurance policy he had taken out. She also wanted to recover some of her husband’s end-of-service liabilities to help support her and her son.
“I have no words to thank you for helping me out,” she wrote to The Debt Panel after receiving the panellists' comments. “The advice has given me an idea of the present status of the loan and how to take it up further. I will draft a letter and send it to the email ID on the bank’s website along with the death certificate. I hope and pray to find a way out of this.”
November 26: ‘I owe Dh100,000 because my employer has not paid me for a year’
SL, a financial services employee from India, left the UAE in June after quitting his job because his employer had not paid him since November 2018. He owes Dh103,800 on four debts and was told by the panellists he may be able to use the insolvency law to solve his issue.
SL thanked the panellists for their efforts. "Indeed, I have some clarity on the consequence of the case and the next steps to take regarding my situation," he says. "Hopefully, I will be able to provide a positive testimony soon."
October 15: 'I lost my job and left the UAE owing Dh71,000. Can I return?'
MS, an energy sector employee from South Africa, left the UAE in August after losing his Dh12,000 job. He was struggling to meet the repayments while securing a new position in the UAE and feared he would be detained if he returned. He has now secured a new job and will return to the Emirates this month.
“The insolvency law is indeed a relief to hear,” he says. "I will not apply for insolvency at this stage. I have been able to pay something towards my loan and credit card. As it stands, I only have a one-month deficit, which I will be able to recover by the end of December."
In numbers: PKK’s money network in Europe
Germany: PKK collectors typically bring in $18 million in cash a year – amount has trebled since 2010
Revolutionary tax: Investigators say about $2 million a year raised from ‘tax collection’ around Marseille
Extortion: Gunman convicted in 2023 of demanding $10,000 from Kurdish businessman in Stockholm
Drug trade: PKK income claimed by Turkish anti-drugs force in 2024 to be as high as $500 million a year
Denmark: PKK one of two terrorist groups along with Iranian separatists ASMLA to raise “two-digit million amounts”
Contributions: Hundreds of euros expected from typical Kurdish families and thousands from business owners
TV channel: Kurdish Roj TV accounts frozen and went bankrupt after Denmark fined it more than $1 million over PKK links in 2013
A MINECRAFT MOVIE
Director: Jared Hess
Starring: Jack Black, Jennifer Coolidge, Jason Momoa
Rating: 3/5
BORDERLANDS
Starring: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis
Director: Eli Roth
Rating: 0/5
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
Four motivational quotes from Alicia's Dubai talk
“The only thing we need is to know that we have faith. Faith and hope in our own dreams. The belief that, when we keep going we’re going to find our way. That’s all we got.”
“Sometimes we try so hard to keep things inside. We try so hard to pretend it’s not really bothering us. In some ways, that hurts us more. You don’t realise how dishonest you are with yourself sometimes, but I realised that if I spoke it, I could let it go.”
“One good thing is to know you’re not the only one going through it. You’re not the only one trying to find your way, trying to find yourself, trying to find amazing energy, trying to find a light. Show all of yourself. Show every nuance. All of your magic. All of your colours. Be true to that. You can be unafraid.”
“It’s time to stop holding back. It’s time to do it on your terms. It’s time to shine in the most unbelievable way. It’s time to let go of negativity and find your tribe, find those people that lift you up, because everybody else is just in your way.”
Pari
Produced by: Clean Slate Films (Anushka Sharma, Karnesh Sharma) & KriArj Entertainment
Director: Prosit Roy
Starring: Anushka Sharma, Parambrata Chattopadhyay, Ritabhari Chakraborty, Rajat Kapoor, Mansi Multani
Three stars
THE SPECS
Engine: 4.4-litre V8
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Power: 523hp
Torque: 750Nm
Price: Dh469,000
Tuesday's fixtures
Kyrgyzstan v Qatar, 5.45pm
FIGHT CARD
Bantamweight Hamza Bougamza (MAR) v Jalal Al Daaja (JOR)
Catchweight 67kg Mohamed El Mesbahi (MAR) v Fouad Mesdari (ALG)
Lighweight Abdullah Mohammed Ali (UAE) v Abdelhak Amhidra (MAR)
Catchweight 73kg Mostafa Ibrahim Radi (PAL) v Yazid Chouchane (ALG)
Middleweight Yousri Belgaroui (TUN) v Badreddine Diani (MAR)
Catchweight 78kg Rashed Dawood (UAE) v Adnan Bushashy (ALG)
Middleweight Sallaheddine Dekhissi (MAR) v Abdel Emam (EGY)
Catchweight 65kg Rachid Hazoume (MAR) v Yanis Ghemmouri (ALG)
Lighweight Mohammed Yahya (UAE) v Azouz Anwar (EGY)
Catchweight 79kg Omar Hussein (PAL) v Souhil Tahiri (ALG)
Middleweight Tarek Suleiman (SYR) v Laid Zerhouni (ALG)
