Boat pun by Mark Simmons wins Funniest Joke of the Fringe 2024 award in Edinburgh

A joke about a small boat by English comedian Mark Simmons has been chosen as this year’s funniest joke at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. The joke goes as follows: “I was going to sail around the globe in the world's smallest ship, but I bottled it.”

In this context, “bottling” means both “putting inside of a bottle” and “failing” in colloquial British speak. The joke was chosen by a panel of comedians and experts who attended various shows at the festival to pick their favourite lines.

The panel selected and submitted 10 of their favourite jokes, after which a poll was held to pick the joke of the year – 2,000 people voted and the joke by Simmons won, with 40 per cent of voters selecting his punchline.

Simmons has been a regular at the festival, with many of his jokes previously nominated. He began performing a decade ago, when his friend convinced him to do an open-mic night. His new show, More Jokes, is on until Saturday at Liquid Rooms Annexe, followed by a 200-date tour.

Of his joke winning, Simmons said: “I'm really chuffed. I needed some good news as I was just fired from my job marking exam papers. Can't understand it, I always gave 110 per cent.”

Here are some of the other jokes that made it to the top 10:

Alec Snook: “I've been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don't feel like I'm progressing. It's just one step forward... two steps back.”

Alex Kitson: “Ate horse at a restaurant once – wasn't great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful.”

Arthur Smith: “I sailed through my driving test. That's why I failed it.”

Olaf Falafel: “My dad used to say to me 'Pints, gallons, litres', which, I think, speaks volumes.”

Masai Graham: “I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg, so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I've cracked it.”

Olaf Falafel: “The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati.”

Another joke by Simmons made it to the fifth spot: “I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: Well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.”

After the funniest joke was revealed, Cherie Hall, director of U&Dave, the television channel that picked the winners, said: “This year's list features a hilarious blend of jokes that are sure to keep us laughing until the next Joke Of The Fringe. With the Joke Of The Fringe now in its 15th year, U&Dave is still committed to supporting great comedy and brilliant gags.”