When it comes to cliches, Hollywood has been guilty of them all throughout the years.
From heroes who walk away from fights that would kill mere mortals to those dashes through airport security that would land anyone in real-life in prison (yes you, Love Actually), Tinseltown has never met a trope it didn’t love.
Delving into the meta-sphere of the cinematic eye-roll, actor Rob Lowe is set to host a new Netflix show, out on September 28, about such cliches, aptly titled Attack of the Hollywood Cliches!
Having already given romcoms the cliche treatment with 2019’s Isn’t It Romantic, starring Rebel Wilson and Liam Hemsworth, the streaming platform looks set to follow in the footsteps of popular YouTube channel CinemaSins.
In it, commentators point out all of the tropes and continuity flaws in films such as Twilight, Spider-Man, Cruella, Pretty Woman and more.
Attack of the Hollywood Cliches “analyses the origins and evolutions of everything from ‘Walking away from an Explosion', to the ‘Meet-Cute' and ‘Females Running in stilettos’,” says Netflix.
“There’s also a ‘Wilhelm Scream’ montage for real movie buffs.”
For the uninitiated, the Wilhelm Scream is a stock sound effect that has been used in films and TV series since 1951.
So, if you've ever watched a film or TV show and wondered who on Earth has the time to get up that early to make pancakes no one eats, here are 16 cliches to cross off your Hollywood movie bingo card …
1. The average guy getting the hot girl
Obviously beauty is objective but is Adam Sandler that objectively attractive that he gets to date Jennifer Aniston and Salma Hayek, two of Hollywood’s most beautiful women?
And how about Kevin James winning the heart of actual supermodel Amber Valletta in Hitch? Shall we assume these films were written by men? *Googles*. Yes. Yes, they were.
Then, on the flipside we have ...
2. The shy, awkward girl gets the guy
Two words: Bella Swan. Bonus points if the hot guy finds the seemingly quite dull girl endlessly fascinating in ways the audience just can't understand.
3. Walking away from a crash that would have killed a normal person
Watch any Fast & Furious film and within moments, someone will be strolling away from a car crash so big and catastrophic it will be visible from outer space.
See also the Aston Martin DBS rolling over and over in Casino Royale. Yes, Bond looked pretty bashed up after being pulled from the wreckage, but he still survived.
4. The 'one last case' before retirement (Also known as: retirony)
If any cop, detective, firefighter or perhaps even a photocopier repairman heads off to work for their final day on the job, waved off on the doorstep by a smiling wife who calls out to him that he’d better be home for tea, you know for sure that guy isn’t coming home.
See also: criminals pulled out of retirement for “one last job”.
5. Hacking into the Pentagon in about three minutes
For starters, it’s always the “mainframe” they’re hacking into. What is a mainframe? Who knows – just buy into it, it’s easier.
Then the hacker, who is always attractive (think Chris Hemsworth in Black Hat or Nathalie Emmanuel in Fast & Furious) and in no way looks like they live in their parents’ basement spending 23 hours a day on Reddit, hacks into Evil Corp Inc using a Nokia 3310 and a VPN.
They also say stuff like: “If we use a backdoor gigabyte we can malware spoof the encryption codes to bring down their firewall from behind the payload.”
Which leads us to …
6. Every computer virus will affect everything in the whole world at once
If you enjoyed the most recent instalment of the Fast & Furious franchise – Dom Has a Secret Brother and His Mates Go Into Space in a Car, No Really you’ll have noticed that the baddies aimed to infect every device on Earth – satellites, computers, phones, toasters (probably) – with a virus simultaneously.
7. No one but Americans can save the world
Aliens invaded Mumbai? Asteroid heading for Sydney? No matter the country, it’ll always be the good 'ole US of A to the rescue.
Granted, their military is massive and has more money than Jeff Bezos’s head moisturiser budget, but you'd think they might enlist the help of China, Russia or India, who also have massive armies.
But thinking about it, if you've got Bruce Willis on the case, do you need anyone else?
8. Incredible breakfasts no one eats
French toast dusted with icing sugar and decorated with strawberries carved to resemble miniature Taj Mahals. Plates of pastries, stacks of pancakes with artistically drizzled syrup, jugs of orange juice, toast in racks, bowls of layered granola ...
Who on Earth is getting up at 4am to make these breakfasts, when all the kids do is take a piece of toast and walk out the door saying they're late for school?
9. Super-cool high school kids
Think about your high school days. Were you as articulate as the Dawson’s Creek kids? As super-cool and unsupervised as the Euphoria gang? As effortlessly stylish as Cher et al from Clueless? Or were you doing a tonne of homework in between trying to master TikTok dances in your bedroom with friends?
10. The surprise witness
No courtroom drama is complete without some hot-shot lawyer who needs a break at all costs suddenly conjuring up a star witness or case-busting piece of evidence in the middle of the trial.
In certain US states, prosecutors can wait up until the last minute before a trial to present evidence, but suddenly producing it mid-trial would get you into a lot of hot water with the judge.
11. 'Turn on the TV'
Something big has happened – Armageddon, the Third World War, Samantha returning to Sex and the City. Your mum calls you. “Turn on the TV,” she says and hangs up.
In Hollywood terms, the "coincidental broadcast" is when the television is turned on to the exact channel at the exact time the news report is ready with the exposition.
In real life, your Gen Z teen would ask: "What's a TV?" before telling you they already got the news from Twitter half an hour ago.
12. Cars get left anywhere
So many vehicles have been abandoned in front of airports, police stations and courthouses that car pounds in movie world must be absolutely rolling in money.
Fine, pulling off a great parallel park at the nearest garage wouldn't necessarily make for a worthy scene. But realistically, leaving your car parked in those places is, at best, going to get it towed and, at worse, get it blown up in a controlled explosion when the security breach shuts down the airport.
13. Being knocked out is no big deal
In Hollywood, if you get knocked out, you wake up again a few minutes later to discover the girl / piece of tech that will save the world / smart-mouth kid has been taken by the baddie.
In movie world, all it takes is a quick shake of the head and a spot of wincing before the protagonist is back up and starting the chase all over again. No concussion. No visit to the hospital. Not even a Band-Aid.
14. Plans are really vague
For most of us, making plans involves date changes due to unforeseen circumstances, debates over where to go, booking tables, discussing what to wear, deciding if you’re going to drive or get an Uber, and considering the merits of inviting other people.
In films, the conversation goes: “OK, great, so I'll see you later.” Later? When? Where? It’s enough to give anyone social anxiety.
15. No one looks where they're driving
Dubbed the "stare and drive", this is when protagonists look away from the road to have a full conversation while driving. Are there no junctions in movie world? Stop signs, traffic lights, zebra crossings, other cars?
16. There are only three universities in the US
The only three universities anyone ever goes to in Hollywood are Yale, Harvard or Princeton. MIT at a push, but only when writers need to highlight the "nerd" narrative.
In the UK, it’s either Oxford, Cambridge or Hogwarts. Just once it would be great to hear of a student getting on to the agriculture course at Northeast Texas Community College, or heading off to study computer information sciences at Pennsylvania Highlands Community College.
Honeymoonish
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Herc's Adventures
Developer: Big Ape Productions
Publisher: LucasArts
Console: PlayStation 1 & 5, Sega Saturn
Rating: 4/5
Need to know
When: October 17 until November 10
Cost: Entry is free but some events require prior registration
Where: Various locations including National Theatre (Abu Dhabi), Abu Dhabi Cultural Center, Zayed University Promenade, Beach Rotana (Abu Dhabi), Vox Cinemas at Yas Mall, Sharjah Youth Center
What: The Korea Festival will feature art exhibitions, a B-boy dance show, a mini K-pop concert, traditional dance and music performances, food tastings, a beauty seminar, and more.
For more information: www.koreafestivaluae.com
First Person
Richard Flanagan
Chatto & Windus
MATCH INFO
Euro 2020 qualifier
Croatia v Hungary, Thursday, 10.45pm, UAE
TV: Match on BeIN Sports
Infiniti QX80 specs
Engine: twin-turbocharged 3.5-liter V6
Power: 450hp
Torque: 700Nm
Price: From Dh450,000, Autograph model from Dh510,000
Available: Now
Gulf Under 19s final
Dubai College A 50-12 Dubai College B
Where to apply
Applicants should send their completed applications - CV, covering letter, sample(s) of your work, letter of recommendation - to Nick March, Assistant Editor in Chief at The National and UAE programme administrator for the Rosalynn Carter Fellowships for Mental Health Journalism, by 5pm on April 30, 2020.
Please send applications to nmarch@thenational.ae and please mark the subject line as “Rosalynn Carter Fellowship for Mental Health Journalism (UAE programme application)”.
The local advisory board will consider all applications and will interview a short list of candidates in Abu Dhabi in June 2020. Successful candidates will be informed before July 30, 2020.
BMW M5 specs
Engine: 4.4-litre twin-turbo V-8 petrol enging with additional electric motor
Power: 727hp
Torque: 1,000Nm
Transmission: 8-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 10.6L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh650,000
Usain Bolt's time for the 100m at major championships
2008 Beijing Olympics 9.69 seconds
2009 Berlin World Championships 9.58
2011 Daegu World Championships Disqualified
2012 London Olympics 9.63
2013 Moscow World Championships 9.77
2015 Beijing World Championships 9.79
2016 Rio Olympics 9.81
2017 London World Championships 9.95
The Melbourne Mercer Global Pension Index
The Melbourne Mercer Global Pension Index
Mazen Abukhater, principal and actuary at global consultancy Mercer, Middle East, says the company’s Melbourne Mercer Global Pension Index - which benchmarks 34 pension schemes across the globe to assess their adequacy, sustainability and integrity - included Saudi Arabia for the first time this year to offer a glimpse into the region.
The index highlighted fundamental issues for all 34 countries, such as a rapid ageing population and a low growth / low interest environment putting pressure on expected returns. It also highlighted the increasing popularity around the world of defined contribution schemes.
“Average life expectancy has been increasing by about three years every 10 years. Someone born in 1947 is expected to live until 85 whereas someone born in 2007 is expected to live to 103,” Mr Abukhater told the Mena Pensions Conference.
“Are our systems equipped to handle these kind of life expectancies in the future? If so many people retire at 60, they are going to be in retirement for 43 years – so we need to adapt our retirement age to our changing life expectancy.”
Saudi Arabia came in the middle of Mercer’s ranking with a score of 58.9. The report said the country's index could be raised by improving the minimum level of support for the poorest aged individuals and increasing the labour force participation rate at older ages as life expectancies rise.
Mr Abukhater said the challenges of an ageing population, increased life expectancy and some individuals relying solely on their government for financial support in their retirement years will put the system under strain.
“To relieve that pressure, governments need to consider whether it is time to switch to a defined contribution scheme so that individuals can supplement their own future with the help of government support,” he said.
Ashes 2019 schedule
August 1-5: First Test, Edgbaston
August 14-18: Second Test, Lord's
August 22-26: Third Test, Headingley
September 4-8: Fourth Test, Old Trafford
September 12-16: Fifth Test, Oval
No more lice
Defining head lice
Pediculus humanus capitis are tiny wingless insects that feed on blood from the human scalp. The adult head louse is up to 3mm long, has six legs, and is tan to greyish-white in colour. The female lives up to four weeks and, once mature, can lay up to 10 eggs per day. These tiny nits firmly attach to the base of the hair shaft, get incubated by body heat and hatch in eight days or so.
Identifying lice
Lice can be identified by itching or a tickling sensation of something moving within the hair. One can confirm that a person has lice by looking closely through the hair and scalp for nits, nymphs or lice. Head lice are most frequently located behind the ears and near the neckline.
Treating lice at home
Head lice must be treated as soon as they are spotted. Start by checking everyone in the family for them, then follow these steps. Remove and wash all clothing and bedding with hot water. Apply medicine according to the label instructions. If some live lice are still found eight to 12 hours after treatment, but are moving more slowly than before, do not re-treat. Comb dead and remaining live lice out of the hair using a fine-toothed comb.
After the initial treatment, check for, comb and remove nits and lice from hair every two to three days. Soak combs and brushes in hot water for 10 minutes.Vacuum the floor and furniture, particularly where the infested person sat or lay.
Courtesy Dr Vishal Rajmal Mehta, specialist paediatrics, RAK Hospital
Results
- Brock Lesnar retained the WWE Universal title against Roman Reigns
- Braun Strowman and Nicolas won the Raw Tag Team titles against Sheamus and Cesaro
- AJ Styles retained the WWE World Heavyweight title against Shinsuke Nakamura
- Nia Jax won the Raw Women’s title against Alexa Bliss
- Daniel Bryan and Shane McMahon beat Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn
- The Undertaker beat John Cena
- The Bludgeon Brothers won the SmackDown Tag Team titles against the Usos and New Day
- Ronda Rousey and Kurt Angle beat Triple H and Stephanie McMahon
- Jinder Mahal won the United States title against Randy Orton, Rusev and Bobby Roode
- Charlotte retained the SmackDown Women’s title against Asuka
- Seth Rollins won the Intercontinental title against The Miz and Finn Balor
- Naomi won the first WrestleMania Women’s Battle Royal
- Cedric Alexander won the vacant Cruiserweight title against Mustafa Ali
- Matt Hardy won the Andre the Giant Battle Royal
Brief scores:
Arsenal 4
Xhaka 25', Lacazette 55', Ramsey 79', Aubameyang 83'
Fulham 1
Kamara 69'
SNAPSHOT
While Huawei did launch the first smartphone with a 50MP image sensor in its P40 series in 2020, Oppo in 2014 introduced the Find 7, which was capable of taking 50MP images: this was done using a combination of a 13MP sensor and software that resulted in shots seemingly taken from a 50MP camera.
GOLF’S RAHMBO
- 5 wins in 22 months as pro
- Three wins in past 10 starts
- 45 pro starts worldwide: 5 wins, 17 top 5s
- Ranked 551th in world on debut, now No 4 (was No 2 earlier this year)
- 5th player in last 30 years to win 3 European Tour and 2 PGA Tour titles before age 24 (Woods, Garcia, McIlroy, Spieth)
Specs
Engine: Electric motor generating 54.2kWh (Cooper SE and Aceman SE), 64.6kW (Countryman All4 SE)
Power: 218hp (Cooper and Aceman), 313hp (Countryman)
Torque: 330Nm (Cooper and Aceman), 494Nm (Countryman)
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh158,000 (Cooper), Dh168,000 (Aceman), Dh190,000 (Countryman)
Profile
Company name: Jaib
Started: January 2018
Co-founders: Fouad Jeryes and Sinan Taifour
Based: Jordan
Sector: FinTech
Total transactions: over $800,000 since January, 2018
Investors in Jaib's mother company Alpha Apps: Aramex and 500 Startups
Electric scooters: some rules to remember
- Riders must be 14-years-old or over
- Wear a protective helmet
- Park the electric scooter in designated parking lots (if any)
- Do not leave electric scooter in locations that obstruct traffic or pedestrians
- Solo riders only, no passengers allowed
- Do not drive outside designated lanes
Jebel Ali Dragons 26 Bahrain 23
Dragons
Tries: Hayes, Richards, Cooper
Cons: Love
Pens: Love 3
Bahrain
Tries: Kenny, Crombie, Tantoh
Cons: Phillips
Pens: Phillips 2
Changing visa rules
For decades the UAE has granted two and three year visas to foreign workers, tied to their current employer. Now that's changing.
Last year, the UAE cabinet also approved providing 10-year visas to foreigners with investments in the UAE of at least Dh10 million, if non-real estate assets account for at least 60 per cent of the total. Investors can bring their spouses and children into the country.
It also approved five-year residency to owners of UAE real estate worth at least 5 million dirhams.
The government also said that leading academics, medical doctors, scientists, engineers and star students would be eligible for similar long-term visas, without the need for financial investments in the country.
The first batch - 20 finalists for the Mohammed bin Rashid Medal for Scientific Distinction.- were awarded in January and more are expected to follow.
Fanney Khan
Producer: T-Series, Anil Kapoor Productions, ROMP, Prerna Arora
Director: Atul Manjrekar
Cast: Anil Kapoor, Aishwarya Rai, Rajkummar Rao, Pihu Sand
Rating: 2/5
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
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Need to know
Unlike other mobile wallets and payment apps, a unique feature of eWallet is that there is no need to have a bank account, credit or debit card to do digital payments.
Customers only need a valid Emirates ID and a working UAE mobile number to register for eWallet account.
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CHATGPT%20ENTERPRISE%20FEATURES
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SPECS
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Company%20Profile
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'My Son'
Director: Christian Carion
Starring: James McAvoy, Claire Foy, Tom Cullen, Gary Lewis
Rating: 2/5
The Sand Castle
Director: Matty Brown
Stars: Nadine Labaki, Ziad Bakri, Zain Al Rafeea, Riman Al Rafeea
Rating: 2.5/5
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The%20Beekeeper
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More from Rashmee Roshan Lall
SERIES INFO
Afghanistan v Zimbabwe, Abu Dhabi Sunshine Series
All matches at the Zayed Cricket Stadium, Abu Dhabi
Test series
1st Test: Zimbabwe beat Afghanistan by 10 wickets
2nd Test: Wednesday, 10 March – Sunday, 14 March
Play starts at 9.30am
T20 series
1st T20I: Wednesday, 17 March
2nd T20I: Friday, 19 March
3rd T20I: Saturday, 20 March
TV
Supporters in the UAE can watch the matches on the Rabbithole channel on YouTube
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
BACK%20TO%20ALEXANDRIA
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ETamer%20Ruggli%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarring%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ENadine%20Labaki%2C%20Fanny%20Ardant%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E3.5%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Engine: 3.5-litre V6
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Power: 290hp
Torque: 340Nm
Price: Dh155,800
On sale: now
Ukraine
Capital: Kiev
Population: 44.13 million
Armed conflict in Donbass
Russia-backed fighters control territory
