There’s a reason why a lot of people don’t ever bother getting to really know themselves. It hurts. Self-discovery can be beautiful, sure, but there’s ugliness down there too – especially when we’re at our lowest. But for the past five years, and especially since the tragic death of his mother, that’s exactly what Andrew Garfield has been doing – figuring himself out, warts and all.
“I’m trying to have as authentic relationship to myself, and therefore others, and therefore the world, and therefore my work, as possible,” Garfield tells The National. “Sometimes it's really, really painful, because there are aspects of myself that I wish I didn't have.
“But if we try to exile those parts of ourselves, we end up being in denial of what we’re capable of. And then we end up really doing damage. So I have to find those different parts and own them and welcome them, and therefore be able to govern them and not be governed by those unconscious drives.”
On the other side of that pain, it’s the reason he’s at the best place he’s ever been, why he’s doing the best work of his career and, the reason why he’s now focused more on the experiences of others, especially those all across the globe.
That was clear on stage in New York in October, when Garfield eschewed a question during a public interview about himself to instead highlight the plight of the Palestinian people.
“We should be putting our energy toward something that actually matters,” he said. “Maybe the lives of, I don’t know, Palestinians in Gaza right now. Maybe that’s where we put our hearts and our energy in, and anyone suffering, anyone oppressed, anyone that is suffering under the weight of the horrors of our world right now, anyone who doesn’t have a choice in living lives of dignity. That’s where our energy should be going right now.”
Garfield has continued to put focus on the people of Palestine in the months since. In early December, he served on the jury of the Marrakesh Film Festival, where he and his fellow jury members awarded the top prize to the Palestinian film Happy Holidays – though he refuses to take credit for that choice alone.
“Happy Holidays was a unanimous decision from the jury at Marrakesh that I was a part of, for the biggest award,” Garfield says. “Overall, it was one of my favourite weeks I’ve had in a long time. I got to watch two movies a day, listen to incredible artists talk about cinema, and have my own notions of cinema challenged and expanded.”
The young Arab filmmakers in particular inspired Garfield, and changed his outlook.
“There’s this vitality in their films – this yearning and longing. There’s so much hope in them, particularly in parts of the world I haven’t visited, like Palestine, Somalia, Sudan. I felt somehow newly connected to cultures that I’ve never practically experienced.
“I think it is really inspiring as an artist to realise how small you are – how small our western notions of self-importance are. And it's very freeing. It's very liberating. It was this remarkably poetic experience. I realised there’s so many ways to tell a story – so many ways to make art,” Garfield continues.
Garfield’s latest film, We Live in Time, came to him at a time when he wasn’t looking for a new project – he was on his self-discovery journey.
“I was reflecting on everything and wanting to be creative, but not necessarily wanting to be on a film set. But then I read the script,” he says.
In 2019, Garfield’s mother, Lynn, died after suffering from pancreatic cancer. The loss shook him deeply, but as bad as it hurt, he remained grateful for that pain.
“I think any human being, if they’re lucky, they get to experience terrible loss. I know that’s a strange way of phrasing it, but I do see it as a privilege to love deeply, and therefore lose terribly,” says Garfield.
We Live in Time is a love story. In it, Garfield’s character also suffers from a great loss – his partner, played by Florence Pugh. “It was personal. But I think this film is personal for every audience member in some way.”
Tackling that subject matter forced him to confront that pain, but it was a process for him of letting go – not of his mother, but letting go to a part of himself.
“It was letting go of too much over thinking. It felt very natural, like getting out of the way. Of not working too hard. Of letting the moment define the moment – letting myself be filled up and trusting that the moment was enough.”
We Live in Time is now in cinemas across the Middle East
