Last year, I had a chat with writer Craig Mazin, who wrote a script for Borderlands before removing his name. He was celebrating the release of HBO’s The Last of Us, widely considered one of the best video game adaptations of all time, and I asked him why the show had so little competition in that category.
There’s a good reason for that, he said. They’re mostly just not made with love.
Businesspeople look at stats and sales and engagement metrics, get excited and buy the rights. Then they call up big-name writers and directors with the shiny new toy in their portfolio, and say, “look at this thing we got, do you want to do it?” The writers and directors say yes because they like the fat pay check that comes with it. But do they care? Not really. It’s just work.
Perhaps there was a point at which Mazin cared deeply about Borderlands, and perhaps that’s how they landed Cate Blanchett, one of best actresses in the world, to star in it. But watching the final product – directed and co-written by Eli Roth – it’s easy to see why the writer who replaced him, Joe Crombie, apparently used a pseudonym.
Borderlands, based on the massively popular first-person shooter space western, is bad – very bad. Unfortunately, it’s not even the kind of bad you can have fun with – that would have taken someone putting their heart into it and failing.
It’s the worst of both worlds, really. The bad video game films of the '90s had campy charm – Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, Street Fighter or Super Mario Bros. Meanwhile, Borderlands is a hollow, craven mish-mash of half-baked ideas that is a perfect encapsulation of the age of IP.
This is a time when creativity is a secondary concern, debt-ridden studios are full of executives all doing anything they can to avoid being fired, and so all that matters is name recognition, whether it’s a game, doll or grocery store brand (how much longer before a Green Giant frozen vegetable cinematic universe is in the works?).
But anyway, Borderlands is set on the planet Pandora, with Blanchett playing a mercenary named Lilith who’s been tasked with bringing back the teenaged Tiny Tina (Barbie’s Ariana Greenblatt) to her father Atlas (Edgar Ramirez), Pandora’s most powerful businessman.
BORDERLANDS
Starring: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis
Director: Eli Roth
Rating: 0/5
This is interrupted when Tiny Tina’s crew, which includes another mercenary named Roland (a tough-as-nails straight man played inexplicably by Kevin Hart) and Krieg (Florian Munteanu), a guy with muscles who wears a mask and mostly grunts. They team up to find some sort of vault which might hold a secret powerful thing of some kind. To quote Tim from The Office, I’m boring myself just talking about it.
Jamie Lee Curtis takes up space in the film for much of the runtime, which will mostly leave you wondering how she ever won an Oscar as she can’t seem to deliver a single line that rings true.
The film leans heavily on mad-cap violent comedy. Tiny Tina throws bombs at people like firecrackers. Jack Black voices a robot named Claptrap who is there to provide humorous asides and commentary, but will likely never elicit a smile from viewers.
Roth, the man who will likely be remembered as the guy who played the cool role that was written for Adam Sandler in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds, brings no noticeable flair to the proceedings. It’s hard to know whether he was unwilling or unable to inject some basic human feeling here at any point.
I yearned for Blanchett to at least seem like she was having fun with this mess, but her exaggerated brightly coloured wig is the campiest thing here. She’s trudging through it, as are the rest of them, and if this was the first time I’d seen her in a film, I doubt I’d remember her face when looking back at it.
Run for the hills from Borderlands, there’s no joy to be had here.
Wydad 2 Urawa 3
Wydad Nahiri 21’, Hajhouj 90'
Urawa Antonio 18’, 60’, Kashiwagi 26’
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
Squid Game season two
Director: Hwang Dong-hyuk
Stars: Lee Jung-jae, Wi Ha-joon and Lee Byung-hun
Rating: 4.5/5
Lexus LX700h specs
Engine: 3.4-litre twin-turbo V6 plus supplementary electric motor
Power: 464hp at 5,200rpm
Torque: 790Nm from 2,000-3,600rpm
Transmission: 10-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 11.7L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh590,000
The specS: 2018 Toyota Camry
Price: base / as tested: Dh91,000 / Dh114,000
Engine: 3.5-litre V6
Gearbox: Eight-speed automatic
Power: 298hp @ 6,600rpm
Torque: 356Nm @ 4,700rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 7.0L / 100km
The Greatest Royal Rumble card as it stands
50-man Royal Rumble
Universal Championship Brock Lesnar (champion) v Roman Reigns in a steel cage match
Intercontinental Championship Seth Rollins (champion) v The Miz v Finn Balor v Samoa Joe
SmackDown Tag Team Championship The Bludgeon Brothers (champions) v The Usos
Casket match The Undertaker v Chris Jericho
John Cena v Triple H
Matches to be announced
WWE World Heavyweight Championship, Raw Tag Team Championship, United States Championship and the Cruiserweight Championship are all due to be defended
The specs: Volvo XC40
Price: base / as tested: Dh185,000
Engine: 2.0-litre, turbocharged in-line four-cylinder
Gearbox: Eight-speed automatic
Power: 250hp @ 5,500rpm
Torque: 350Nm @ 1,500rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 10.4L / 100km
What the law says
Micro-retirement is not a recognised concept or employment status under Federal Decree Law No. 33 of 2021 on the Regulation of Labour Relations (as amended) (UAE Labour Law). As such, it reflects a voluntary work-life balance practice, rather than a recognised legal employment category, according to Dilini Loku, senior associate for law firm Gateley Middle East.
“Some companies may offer formal sabbatical policies or career break programmes; however, beyond such arrangements, there is no automatic right or statutory entitlement to extended breaks,” she explains.
“Any leave taken beyond statutory entitlements, such as annual leave, is typically regarded as unpaid leave in accordance with Article 33 of the UAE Labour Law. While employees may legally take unpaid leave, such requests are subject to the employer’s discretion and require approval.”
If an employee resigns to pursue micro-retirement, the employment contract is terminated, and the employer is under no legal obligation to rehire the employee in the future unless specific contractual agreements are in place (such as return-to-work arrangements), which are generally uncommon, Ms Loku adds.
The specs: 2018 Chevrolet Trailblazer
Price, base / as tested Dh99,000 / Dh132,000
Engine 3.6L V6
Transmission: Six-speed automatic
Power 275hp @ 6,000rpm
Torque 350Nm @ 3,700rpm
Fuel economy combined 12.2L / 100km
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Country-size land deals
US interest in purchasing territory is not as outlandish as it sounds. Here's a look at some big land transactions between nations:
Louisiana Purchase
If Donald Trump is one who aims to broker "a deal of the century", then this was the "deal of the 19th Century". In 1803, the US nearly doubled in size when it bought 2,140,000 square kilometres from France for $15 million.
Florida Purchase Treaty
The US courted Spain for Florida for years. Spain eventually realised its burden in holding on to the territory and in 1819 effectively ceded it to America in a wider border treaty.
Alaska purchase
America's spending spree continued in 1867 when it acquired 1,518,800 km2 of Alaskan land from Russia for $7.2m. Critics panned the government for buying "useless land".
The Philippines
At the end of the Spanish-American War, a provision in the 1898 Treaty of Paris saw Spain surrender the Philippines for a payment of $20 million.
US Virgin Islands
It's not like a US president has never reached a deal with Denmark before. In 1917 the US purchased the Danish West Indies for $25m and renamed them the US Virgin Islands.
Gwadar
The most recent sovereign land purchase was in 1958 when Pakistan bought the southwestern port of Gwadar from Oman for 5.5bn Pakistan rupees.
Zidane's managerial achievements
La Liga: 2016/17
Spanish Super Cup: 2017
Uefa Champions League: 2015/16, 2016/17, 2017/18
Uefa Super Cup: 2016, 2017
Fifa Club World Cup: 2016, 2017
PSA DUBAI WORLD SERIES FINALS LINE-UP
Men’s:
Mohamed El Shorbagy (EGY)
Ali Farag (EGY)
Simon Rosner (GER)
Tarek Momen (EGY)
Miguel Angel Rodriguez (COL)
Gregory Gaultier (FRA)
Karim Abdel Gawad (EGY)
Nick Matthew (ENG)
Women's:
Nour El Sherbini (EGY)
Raneem El Welily (EGY)
Nour El Tayeb (EGY)
Laura Massaro (ENG)
Joelle King (NZE)
Camille Serme (FRA)
Nouran Gohar (EGY)
Sarah-Jane Perry (ENG)
The Library: A Catalogue of Wonders
Stuart Kells, Counterpoint Press
Global state-owned investor ranking by size
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1.
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United States
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2.
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China
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3.
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UAE
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4.
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Japan
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5
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Norway
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6.
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Canada
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7.
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Singapore
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8.
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Australia
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9.
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Saudi Arabia
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10.
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South Korea
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
More from Rashmee Roshan Lall
F1 The Movie
Starring: Brad Pitt, Damson Idris, Kerry Condon, Javier Bardem
Director: Joseph Kosinski
Rating: 4/5
NO OTHER LAND
Director: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham, Rachel Szor, Hamdan Ballal
Stars: Basel Adra, Yuval Abraham
Rating: 3.5/5
Bharatanatyam
A ancient classical dance from the southern Indian state of Tamil Nadu. Intricate footwork and expressions are used to denote spiritual stories and ideas.
Results:
Men's 100m T34: 1. Walid Ktila (TUN) 15 sec; 2. Rheed McCracken (AUS) 15.40; 3. Mohammed Al Hammadi (UAE) 15.75. Men's 400m T34: 1. Walid Ktila (TUN) 50.56; 2. Mohammed Al Hammadi (UAE) 50.94; 3. Henry Manni (FIN) 52.24.
'Morbius'
Director: Daniel Espinosa
Stars: Jared Leto, Matt Smith, Adria Arjona
Rating: 2/5
Getting%20there%20and%20where%20to%20stay
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The Greatest Royal Rumble card
50-man Royal Rumble - names entered so far include Braun Strowman, Daniel Bryan, Kurt Angle, Big Show, Kane, Chris Jericho, The New Day and Elias
Universal Championship Brock Lesnar (champion) v Roman Reigns in a steel cage match
WWE World Heavyweight ChampionshipAJ Styles (champion) v Shinsuke Nakamura
Intercontinental Championship Seth Rollins (champion) v The Miz v Finn Balor v Samoa Joe
United States Championship Jeff Hardy (champion) v Jinder Mahal
SmackDown Tag Team Championship The Bludgeon Brothers (champions) v The Usos
Raw Tag Team Championship (currently vacant) Cesaro and Sheamus v Matt Hardy and Bray Wyatt
Casket match The Undertaker v Rusev
Singles match John Cena v Triple H
Cruiserweight Championship Cedric Alexander v Kalisto
Result
Tottenhan Hotspur 2 Roma 3
Tottenham: Winks 87', Janssen 90 1'
Roma 3
D Perotti 13' (pen), C Under 70', M Tumminello 90 2"
More on Quran memorisation:
Zayed Sustainability Prize
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
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How Filipinos in the UAE invest
A recent survey of 10,000 Filipino expatriates in the UAE found that 82 per cent have plans to invest, primarily in property. This is significantly higher than the 2014 poll showing only two out of 10 Filipinos planned to invest.
Fifty-five percent said they plan to invest in property, according to the poll conducted by the New Perspective Media Group, organiser of the Philippine Property and Investment Exhibition. Acquiring a franchised business or starting up a small business was preferred by 25 per cent and 15 per cent said they will invest in mutual funds. The rest said they are keen to invest in insurance (3 per cent) and gold (2 per cent).
Of the 5,500 respondents who preferred property as their primary investment, 54 per cent said they plan to make the purchase within the next year. Manila was the top location, preferred by 53 per cent.
COMPANY PROFILE
Initial investment: Undisclosed
Investment stage: Series A
Investors: Core42
Current number of staff: 47
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Electoral College Victory
Trump has so far secured 295 Electoral College votes, according to the Associated Press, exceeding the 270 needed to win. Only Nevada and Arizona remain to be called, and both swing states are leaning Republican. Trump swept all five remaining swing states, North Carolina, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin, sealing his path to victory and giving him a strong mandate.
Popular Vote Tally
The count is ongoing, but Trump currently leads with nearly 51 per cent of the popular vote to Harris’s 47.6 per cent. Trump has over 72.2 million votes, while Harris trails with approximately 67.4 million.
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Starfield
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The specs
Engine: Dual 180kW and 300kW front and rear motors
Power: 480kW
Torque: 850Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh359,900 ($98,000)
On sale: Now
A list of the animal rescue organisations in the UAE
Brahmastra%3A%20Part%20One%20-%20Shiva
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EDirector%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EAyan%20Mukerji%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStars%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ERanbir%20Kapoor%2C%20Alia%20Bhatt%20and%20Amitabh%20Bachchan%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%202%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Ferrari 12Cilindri specs
Engine: naturally aspirated 6.5-liter V12
Power: 819hp
Torque: 678Nm at 7,250rpm
Price: From Dh1,700,000
Available: Now
Company%20Profile
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'The Ice Road'
Director: Jonathan Hensleigh
Stars: Liam Neeson, Amber Midthunder, Laurence Fishburne
2/5
INDIA%20SQUAD
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Company profile
Name: Tharb
Started: December 2016
Founder: Eisa Alsubousi
Based: Abu Dhabi
Sector: Luxury leather goods
Initial investment: Dh150,000 from personal savings
Profile of Foodics
Founders: Ahmad AlZaini and Mosab AlOthmani
Based: Riyadh
Sector: Software
Employees: 150
Amount raised: $8m through seed and Series A - Series B raise ongoing
Funders: Raed Advanced Investment Co, Al-Riyadh Al Walid Investment Co, 500 Falcons, SWM Investment, AlShoaibah SPV, Faith Capital, Technology Investments Co, Savour Holding, Future Resources, Derayah Custody Co.
BORDERLANDS
Starring: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis
Director: Eli Roth
Rating: 0/5
