Sima Taparia, a self-professed "top matchmaker" from Mumbai, is remarkably blunt within the first few seconds of Indian Matchmaking, Netflix's new reality show.
"In India, marriage is the union of two families, millions of dollars are at stake, caste considerations rule, and everyone must adjust and compromise,” she says straight to the camera.
As someone who belongs to the exact demographic that makes up the bulk of Taparia’s clientele (upper caste, wealthy and Hindu) and who has been on dozens of the type of arranged-marriage dates she sets up, I can say Taparia’s words are irksome because they are so true.
The eight-part first season of Indian Matchmaking zigzags between Mumbai, Houston, New Jersey, Austin, Delhi and Jaipur, with several pit-stops as Taparia attempts to set up half a dozen of her clients. They come from different backgrounds but have had similar upbringings – they're all Indian or of Indian origin, well-educated and reasonably successful.
Yes, there are practical benefits to the process. For most Indians, family approval is a non-negotiable part of marriage, not a good-to-have. The arranging of matches then serves the purpose of pre-approval and vetting. It’s a lot more convenient to couple up with someone who already checks all the boxes than fall in love and later suffer the heartache of your family's refusal.
Taparia has a crystal-clear view of a prospect’s worth within the Indian arranged-marriage hierarchy. “Slim, trim, tall and fair” girls are in high demand. Men must earn well and be able to support their wives. Both must belong to “good families” (those that don’t have any publicly aired dirty laundry).
Divorced parents present hiccups but can be worked around. However, it’s slim pickings if the prospective bride or groom is divorced or brings a child into the mix — especially for women.
Taparia’s calculated assessment of her clients is possibly the most honest part of the show. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been reduced to the size of my waist or the colour of my skin – and been rejected for both.
I distinctly remember the time a prospective match’s portfolio explicitly read: “Girl’s colour should be white.” In the show, one of the participant’s overbearing mothers nonchalantly announces: “I’m not even going to look at girls less than 5’3.”
It’s undeniable that in the Indian arranged-marriage process, men and their families hold most of the power. So there’s a lot that the show gets right, but there’s an equal amount it seems to have deliberately missed or completely glossed over.
Two of Taparia’s top clients are exceedingly wealthy young men from Mumbai and both, we’re told, have rejected close to 100 women each. But we never get to hear from those women; we also never see Taparia’s golden geese being rejected. Not once.
I've lost count of the number of times I've been reduced to the size of my waist or the colour of my skin – and been rejected for both
The only female client in the show who has the temerity to repeatedly refuse matches that don’t meet her standards is berated for being “too negative and arrogant” and “having bad vibes”.
The first time I was rejected, it was because I was too opinionated – the “match” was afraid I wouldn’t be able to adjust to his mother. The second time was because I am a journalist and the family was deeply suspicious of the “loose morals of media women”.
There was some suggestion – by aunts, uncles and my parents’ army of “well-wishers” – of quitting my job because of that, but that conversation ended abruptly when I threatened to quit my family instead.
On occasion, I've been deemed unfit because I was too tall (for short men) and too short (for tall men). Other times, I was not thin enough or fair enough.
While the right to rejection was always clearly open to the men I met, when I said no after one man had kindly agreed to marry me, I had to provide lengthy explanations which were met with disapproval.
How do you explain a lack of chemistry or intellectual compatibility to people who don't acknowledge the importance of either?
While my refusals and rules were grudgingly accepted in the end, they always came with a warning that I’d miss the boat and then have to make do with the “leftovers”.
Within five years, this arranged-marriage market had transformed me from a confident, witty, ambitious woman into a nervous, insecure wreck. I’ve had to go into therapy to deal with the scars and intense resentment that the process left in its wake.
I have friends who’ve been left so broken by the process, having had all the fight drained out of them, that they’ve agreed to marriages they knew they were going to be unhappy in. They've wed men they knew were not their intellectual equals and who they weren’t attracted to, simply so they could finally get off the rollercoaster.
It's not always the case, but there is occasionally some ugliness lurking beneath the veneer of glitz and glamour that is a hallmark of the quintessential Indian wedding. And there are veiled, lifelong compromises within the marriages some of these weddings celebrate.
Indian Matchmaking doesn't do justice to either of these realities.
UK-EU trade at a glance
EU fishing vessels guaranteed access to UK waters for 12 years
Co-operation on security initiatives and procurement of defence products
Youth experience scheme to work, study or volunteer in UK and EU countries
Smoother border management with use of e-gates
Cutting red tape on import and export of food
The stats
Ship name: MSC Bellissima
Ship class: Meraviglia Class
Delivery date: February 27, 2019
Gross tonnage: 171,598 GT
Passenger capacity: 5,686
Crew members: 1,536
Number of cabins: 2,217
Length: 315.3 metres
Maximum speed: 22.7 knots (42kph)
Benefits of first-time home buyers' scheme
- Priority access to new homes from participating developers
- Discounts on sales price of off-plan units
- Flexible payment plans from developers
- Mortgages with better interest rates, faster approval times and reduced fees
- DLD registration fee can be paid through banks or credit cards at zero interest rates
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MATCH INFO
Liverpool 0
Stoke City 0
Man of the Match: Erik Pieters (Stoke)
THE SPECS
Engine: 6.0-litre, twin-turbocharged W12
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Power: 626bhp
Torque: 900Nm
Price: Dh1,050,000
On sale: now
SPECS
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BUNDESLIGA FIXTURES
Saturday, May 16 (kick-offs UAE time)
Borussia Dortmund v Schalke (4.30pm)
RB Leipzig v Freiburg (4.30pm)
Hoffenheim v Hertha Berlin (4.30pm)
Fortuna Dusseldorf v Paderborn (4.30pm)
Augsburg v Wolfsburg (4.30pm)
Eintracht Frankfurt v Borussia Monchengladbach (7.30pm)
Sunday, May 17
Cologne v Mainz (4.30pm),
Union Berlin v Bayern Munich (7pm)
Monday, May 18
Werder Bremen v Bayer Leverkusen (9.30pm)
The five pillars of Islam
1. Fasting
2. Prayer
3. Hajj
4. Shahada
5. Zakat
The specs
- Engine: 3.9-litre twin-turbo V8
- Power: 640hp
- Torque: 760nm
- On sale: 2026
- Price: Not announced yet
The Settlers
Director: Louis Theroux
Starring: Daniella Weiss, Ari Abramowitz
Rating: 5/5
Brief scores:
Toss: Nepal, chose to field
UAE 153-6: Shaiman (59), Usman (30); Regmi 2-23
Nepal 132-7: Jora 53 not out; Zahoor 2-17
Result: UAE won by 21 runs
Series: UAE lead 1-0
Our legal consultant
Name: Dr Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Directed: Smeep Kang
Produced: Soham Rockstar Entertainment; SKE Production
Cast: Rishi Kapoor, Jimmy Sheirgill, Sunny Singh, Omkar Kapoor, Rajesh Sharma
Rating: Two out of five stars
Mohammed bin Zayed Majlis
Specs
Engine: Duel electric motors
Power: 659hp
Torque: 1075Nm
On sale: Available for pre-order now
Price: On request
More from Neighbourhood Watch:
Sheer grandeur
The Owo building is 14 storeys high, seven of which are below ground, with the 30,000 square feet of amenities located subterranean, including a 16-seat private cinema, seven lounges, a gym, games room, treatment suites and bicycle storage.
A clear distinction between the residences and the Raffles hotel with the amenities operated separately.
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
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This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home.
Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants
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Paatal Lok season two
Directors: Avinash Arun, Prosit Roy
Stars: Jaideep Ahlawat, Ishwak Singh, Lc Sekhose, Merenla Imsong
Rating: 4.5/5
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THREE
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How much of your income do you need to save?
The more you save, the sooner you can retire. Tuan Phan, a board member of SimplyFI.com, says if you save just 5 per cent of your salary, you can expect to work for another 66 years before you are able to retire without too large a drop in income.
In other words, you will not save enough to retire comfortably. If you save 15 per cent, you can forward to another 43 working years. Up that to 40 per cent of your income, and your remaining working life drops to just 22 years. (see table)
Obviously, this is only a rough guide. How much you save will depend on variables, not least your salary and how much you already have in your pension pot. But it shows what you need to do to achieve financial independence.
The Ashes
Results
First Test, Brisbane: Australia won by 10 wickets
Second Test, Adelaide: Australia won by 120 runs
Third Test, Perth: Australia won by an innings and 41 runs
Fourth Test: Melbourne: Drawn
Fifth Test: Australia won by an innings and 123 runs
The biog
Name: Salvador Toriano Jr
Age: 59
From: Laguna, The Philippines
Favourite dish: Seabass or Fish and Chips
Hobbies: When he’s not in the restaurant, he still likes to cook, along with walking and meeting up with friends.
Leading all-time NBA scorers
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar 38,387
Karl Malone 36,928
Kobe Bryant 33,643
Michael Jordan 32,292
LeBron James 31,425
Wilt Chamberlain 31,419
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Brief scoreline:
Toss: South Africa, elected to bowl first
England (311-8): Stokes 89, Morgan 57, Roy 54, Root 51; Ngidi 3-66
South Africa (207): De Kock 68, Van der Dussen 50; Archer 3-27, Stokes 2-12
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
The specs: 2018 Nissan Altima
Price, base / as tested: Dh78,000 / Dh97,650
Engine: 2.5-litre in-line four-cylinder
Power: 182hp @ 6,000rpm
Torque: 244Nm @ 4,000rpm
Transmission: Continuously variable tranmission
Fuel consumption, combined: 7.6L / 100km
Ziina users can donate to relief efforts in Beirut
Ziina users will be able to use the app to help relief efforts in Beirut, which has been left reeling after an August blast caused an estimated $15 billion in damage and left thousands homeless. Ziina has partnered with the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees to raise money for the Lebanese capital, co-founder Faisal Toukan says. “As of October 1, the UNHCR has the first certified badge on Ziina and is automatically part of user's top friends' list during this campaign. Users can now donate any amount to the Beirut relief with two clicks. The money raised will go towards rebuilding houses for the families that were impacted by the explosion.”
