During the chaos and carnage of the US occupation of Iraq, which began in 2003, when everyday life in the country was fraught with danger, corruption and anxiety, a series of blog posts appeared by a writer calling himself Shalash the Iraqi. Rather than just endure the mayhem, Shalash set out to capture its essence in boisterous and uproarious stories.
Those stories – around 80 of them – provided a constant source of relief and entertainment for a great many Iraqis throughout 2005 and 2006. Set in a small neighbourhood of a huge Shiite suburb of Baghdad, and featuring characters of all stripes, Shalash’s remarkable tales poke merciless fun at human interaction and a grim state of affairs in “a city that readily mixes fiction with reality”.
Shalash’s posts have now been collected in one volume – Shalash The Iraqi – and translated into English (a considerable achievement by Luke Leafgren, who skilfully renders the characters’ Iraqi dialects). After all these years, Shalash remains a man of mystery. However, he is still keen to discuss his work and, to an extent, himself with The National – albeit from a distance.
First, there is the matter of his anonymity and the need to invent a nom de plume.
“Shalash”, it turns out, was created as a safety measure: as a mask to hide behind and a means of security for family and friends.” I receive many emails from people who say 'you have mocked our customs, traditions and religion',” Shalash says.
“In fact, their customs, traditions, and the way they understand the meaning of religion are the reasons for their infighting and homelessness, and the means that opportunistic politicians use to laugh at them. What is the value of customs, traditions and the method of religiosity if they do not prevent you from killing your neighbour who disagrees with you about the doctrine?
SHALASH%20THE%20IRAQI
%3Cp%3EAuthor%3A%20Shalash%3Cbr%3ETranslator%3A%20Luke%20Leafgren%3Cbr%3EPages%3A%20352%3Cbr%3EPublisher%3A%20And%20Other%20Stories%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
“The pseudonym is also an escape from ideological, sectarian and clan classifications,” he adds. “And it gives you the freedom to speak the naked truth. But this is not easy for a person. What makes us accept this life are not the facts we know but the illusions that we adopt. Telling the truth is stressful even for a satirist like Shalash.”
In his foreword to the book, Kanan Makiya shares biographical scraps about his fellow countryman: Shalash is a polymath; he can expertly mimic Saddam Hussein and recite all of his speeches; and he spent eight arduous years on the front lines of the Iran-Iraq war.
Shalash gives nothing away in his short preface, and he signs off by concisely, and cryptically, stating he is “probably somewhere in Iraq.” He is reluctant to flesh out this profile.
“There is little of significant importance to mention about my character,” he says, “except for the fact that I am a human being who was fated to be born in a troubled place. I have experienced life under the cruelest dictatorship and now find myself living in what can only be described as the most absurd democracy the world has ever witnessed.
“Unfortunately, both the dictator and those who followed in his footsteps lack a proper sense of humour. They are deeply committed to their respective agendas – the former treating me as a mere mathematical symbol in his equation, and the latter attempting to transport me back to the seventh century AD, demanding I choose allegiance to a caliph. As a cynical individual, I have no tolerance for such serious jests.”
Unsurprisingly, Shalash is more forthcoming about his writing, particularly the starting point for his stories.
“Imagine that someone who has never seen an American in his life, except in the media, wakes up one morning and sees dozens of Americans on top of their armoured vehicles occupying your street raising the sign of victory with their half-frightened and half-happy smiles. This means that your country did not exist.
“You sit waiting for democracy to be distributed to the people, then suddenly the people around you turn into strangers chanting slogans calling for the fall of the Abbasid state and the death of Harun Al Rashid, who died in 809AD. What would you have done then other than laugh out loud? That’s exactly what I did, I laughed out loud through writing, and it’s my only way to bring people back to their senses.”
Shalash believes this was “a desperate attempt” on his part. It was also an effective one. As Shalash laughed, readers laughed with him. They couldn’t get enough of his stories. They printed them out, copied them out, passed them around or told them to eager audiences. Such appreciation spurred Shalash on.
“Of course, the sudden and rapid spread of my articles was influential,” he says. “It was no longer just a matter of writing satirical articles. My readers made me their conscience, speaking on their behalf at a time when the price of a word was a bullet in the head.”
Shalash’s readers avidly followed the antics of his ragtag cast of characters in Thawra City: politicians, clerics, philosophers, thieves and militiamen. A woman nurses then adopts an American soldier. A barber uses his saliva as shaving cream during power cuts and water shortages. All try to stay afloat in what Shalash describes in one post as “exceedingly complicated political and security conditions, with death, destruction, and booby-trapped beards all around”.
Shalash says that many of his characters are based on people he knew and lived among. “I am one of them,” he reveals. “Perhaps there is a lot of me as a person present in their way of thinking or behaviour.”
One recurring character is Khanjar. “He is us, a sample of our society,” Shalash explains. “He is the radical Islamist, the communist, the atheist, the liberal, the generous, the kind, and the murderer at the same time.”
Shalash wrote regularly amid daily upheavals and never once struggled for inspiration. The “cultural earthquake” that ravaged his country gave him more subject matter than he knew what to do with.
Some of Shalash’s later posts in the book become bleaker in content and more serious in tone.
“All those who came after Saddam made his dictatorial personality with all its tyranny look like a dance party compared to their ugliness,” Shalash says. “I had not previously imagined that there was something worse than Saddam’s dictatorship, but those who followed his rule made me think of my political naivety.”
In the same post, Shalash bewails the fate that has befallen his homeland. He says he wrote it “at an emotional moment”, at a time when “we used to wake up in the morning to discover unidentified corpses lying in the streets.” Today, he says: “Iraq is a good country with a wonderful history,” but adds that the problem is "the political class that rules it".
After captivating readers for two years, Shalash suddenly stopped writing his stories. “I lost my appetite for sarcasm and I didn’t need to repeat myself,” he explains. “Black comedy is a kind of funeral for something dear that fades in front of you. It is not appropriate to laugh until the end while you are sad.”
In his preface to the book, Shalash tells how he found himself “a stranger in my own country.” Baghdad-born journalist Ghaith Abdul-Ahad’s recently published book about the last 20 years in Iraq is called A Stranger in Your Own City. Shalash says he read that book a month ago and sympathised with the author’s dislocation.
“I was amazed at the similarity between our sense of reality around us, with our common loss of the idea of our country and our society.
“Ghaith and I – and there are perhaps millions like us – have lost the ability to communicate with the culture in which we were born. We are strangers to where we are and I think we will die strangers as well.”
Electric scooters: some rules to remember
- Riders must be 14-years-old or over
- Wear a protective helmet
- Park the electric scooter in designated parking lots (if any)
- Do not leave electric scooter in locations that obstruct traffic or pedestrians
- Solo riders only, no passengers allowed
- Do not drive outside designated lanes
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
The specs
- Engine: 3.9-litre twin-turbo V8
- Power: 640hp
- Torque: 760nm
- On sale: 2026
- Price: Not announced yet
ESSENTIALS
The flights
Emirates flies from Dubai to Phnom Penh via Yangon from Dh2,700 return including taxes. Cambodia Bayon Airlines and Cambodia Angkor Air offer return flights from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap from Dh250 return including taxes. The flight takes about 45 minutes.
The hotels
Rooms at the Raffles Le Royal in Phnom Penh cost from $225 (Dh826) per night including taxes. Rooms at the Grand Hotel d'Angkor cost from $261 (Dh960) per night including taxes.
The tours
A cyclo architecture tour of Phnom Penh costs from $20 (Dh75) per person for about three hours, with Khmer Architecture Tours. Tailor-made tours of all of Cambodia, or sites like Angkor alone, can be arranged by About Asia Travel. Emirates Holidays also offers packages.
ABU DHABI CARD
5pm: UAE Martyrs Cup (TB) Conditions; Dh90,000; 2,200m
5.30pm: Wathba Stallions Cup (PA) Handicap; Dh70,000; 1,400m
6pm: UAE Matyrs Trophy (PA) Maiden; Dh80,000; 1,600m
6.30pm: Sheikha Fatima bint Mubarak (IFAHR) Apprentice Championship (PA) Prestige; Dh100,000; 1,600m
7pm: Sheikha Fatima bint Mubarak (IFAHR) Ladies World Championship (PA) Prestige; Dh125,000; 1,600m
8pm: Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan Jewel Crown (PA) Group 1; Dh5,000,000; 1,600m
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
In-demand jobs and monthly salaries
- Technology expert in robotics and automation: Dh20,000 to Dh40,000
- Energy engineer: Dh25,000 to Dh30,000
- Production engineer: Dh30,000 to Dh40,000
- Data-driven supply chain management professional: Dh30,000 to Dh50,000
- HR leader: Dh40,000 to Dh60,000
- Engineering leader: Dh30,000 to Dh55,000
- Project manager: Dh55,000 to Dh65,000
- Senior reservoir engineer: Dh40,000 to Dh55,000
- Senior drilling engineer: Dh38,000 to Dh46,000
- Senior process engineer: Dh28,000 to Dh38,000
- Senior maintenance engineer: Dh22,000 to Dh34,000
- Field engineer: Dh6,500 to Dh7,500
- Field supervisor: Dh9,000 to Dh12,000
- Field operator: Dh5,000 to Dh7,000
Benefits of first-time home buyers' scheme
- Priority access to new homes from participating developers
- Discounts on sales price of off-plan units
- Flexible payment plans from developers
- Mortgages with better interest rates, faster approval times and reduced fees
- DLD registration fee can be paid through banks or credit cards at zero interest rates
2025 Fifa Club World Cup groups
Group A: Palmeiras, Porto, Al Ahly, Inter Miami.
Group B: Paris Saint-Germain, Atletico Madrid, Botafogo, Seattle.
Group C: Bayern Munich, Auckland City, Boca Juniors, Benfica.
Group D: Flamengo, ES Tunis, Chelsea, Leon.
Group E: River Plate, Urawa, Monterrey, Inter Milan.
Group F: Fluminense, Borussia Dortmund, Ulsan, Mamelodi Sundowns.
Group G: Manchester City, Wydad, Al Ain, Juventus.
Group H: Real Madrid, Al Hilal, Pachuca, Salzburg.
GOLF’S RAHMBO
- 5 wins in 22 months as pro
- Three wins in past 10 starts
- 45 pro starts worldwide: 5 wins, 17 top 5s
- Ranked 551th in world on debut, now No 4 (was No 2 earlier this year)
- 5th player in last 30 years to win 3 European Tour and 2 PGA Tour titles before age 24 (Woods, Garcia, McIlroy, Spieth)
Dubai Bling season three
Cast: Loujain Adada, Zeina Khoury, Farhana Bodi, Ebraheem Al Samadi, Mona Kattan, and couples Safa & Fahad Siddiqui and DJ Bliss & Danya Mohammed
Rating: 1/5
Tearful appearance
Chancellor Rachel Reeves set markets on edge as she appeared visibly distraught in parliament on Wednesday.
Legislative setbacks for the government have blown a new hole in the budgetary calculations at a time when the deficit is stubbornly large and the economy is struggling to grow.
She appeared with Keir Starmer on Thursday and the pair embraced, but he had failed to give her his backing as she cried a day earlier.
A spokesman said her upset demeanour was due to a personal matter.
HERO%20CUP%20TEAMS
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FFP EXPLAINED
What is Financial Fair Play?
Introduced in 2011 by Uefa, European football’s governing body, it demands that clubs live within their means. Chiefly, spend within their income and not make substantial losses.
What the rules dictate?
The second phase of its implementation limits losses to €30 million (Dh136m) over three seasons. Extra expenditure is permitted for investment in sustainable areas (youth academies, stadium development, etc). Money provided by owners is not viewed as income. Revenue from “related parties” to those owners is assessed by Uefa's “financial control body” to be sure it is a fair value, or in line with market prices.
What are the penalties?
There are a number of punishments, including fines, a loss of prize money or having to reduce squad size for European competition – as happened to PSG in 2014. There is even the threat of a competition ban, which could in theory lead to PSG’s suspension from the Uefa Champions League.
Company%20Profile
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ECompany%20name%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Hoopla%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EDate%20started%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EMarch%202023%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounder%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Jacqueline%20Perrottet%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Dubai%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ENumber%20of%20staff%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%2010%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20stage%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EPre-seed%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20required%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20%24500%2C000%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
PROFILE OF INVYGO
Started: 2018
Founders: Eslam Hussein and Pulkit Ganjoo
Based: Dubai
Sector: Transport
Size: 9 employees
Investment: $1,275,000
Investors: Class 5 Global, Equitrust, Gulf Islamic Investments, Kairos K50 and William Zeqiri
$1,000 award for 1,000 days on madrasa portal
Daily cash awards of $1,000 dollars will sweeten the Madrasa e-learning project by tempting more pupils to an education portal to deepen their understanding of math and sciences.
School children are required to watch an educational video each day and answer a question related to it. They then enter into a raffle draw for the $1,000 prize.
“We are targeting everyone who wants to learn. This will be $1,000 for 1,000 days so there will be a winner every day for 1,000 days,” said Sara Al Nuaimi, project manager of the Madrasa e-learning platform that was launched on Tuesday by the Vice President and Ruler of Dubai, to reach Arab pupils from kindergarten to grade 12 with educational videos.
“The objective of the Madrasa is to become the number one reference for all Arab students in the world. The 5,000 videos we have online is just the beginning, we have big ambitions. Today in the Arab world there are 50 million students. We want to reach everyone who is willing to learn.”
Forced%20Deportations
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Violence%20
%3Cp%3EInstances%20of%20violence%20against%20Syrian%20refugees%20are%20not%20uncommon.%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3EJust%20last%20month%2C%20security%20camera%20footage%20of%20men%20violently%20attacking%20and%20stabbing%20an%20employee%20at%20a%20mini-market%20went%20viral.%20The%20store%E2%80%99s%20employees%20had%20engaged%20in%20a%20verbal%20altercation%20with%20the%20men%20who%20had%20come%20to%20enforce%20an%20order%20to%20shutter%20shops%2C%20following%20the%20announcement%20of%20a%20municipal%20curfew%20for%20Syrian%20refugees.%3Cbr%3E%E2%80%9CThey%20thought%20they%20were%20Syrian%2C%E2%80%9D%20said%20the%20mayor%20of%20the%20Nahr%20el%20Bared%20municipality%2C%20Charbel%20Bou%20Raad%2C%20of%20the%20attackers.%3Cbr%3EIt%20later%20emerged%20the%20beaten%20employees%20were%20Lebanese.%20But%20the%20video%20was%20an%20exemplary%20instance%20of%20violence%20at%20a%20time%20when%20anti-Syrian%20rhetoric%20is%20particularly%20heated%20as%20Lebanese%20politicians%20call%20for%20the%20return%20of%20Syrian%20refugees%20to%20Syria.%3Cbr%3E%3Cbr%3E%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
UAE rugby in numbers
5 - Year sponsorship deal between Hesco and Jebel Ali Dragons
700 - Dubai Hurricanes had more than 700 playing members last season between their mini and youth, men's and women's teams
Dh600,000 - Dubai Exiles' budget for pitch and court hire next season, for their rugby, netball and cricket teams
Dh1.8m - Dubai Hurricanes' overall budget for next season
Dh2.8m - Dubai Exiles’ overall budget for next season
SPEC%20SHEET%3A%20NOTHING%20PHONE%20(2A)
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Profile box
Company name: baraka
Started: July 2020
Founders: Feras Jalbout and Kunal Taneja
Based: Dubai and Bahrain
Sector: FinTech
Initial investment: $150,000
Current staff: 12
Stage: Pre-seed capital raising of $1 million
Investors: Class 5 Global, FJ Labs, IMO Ventures, The Community Fund, VentureSouq, Fox Ventures, Dr Abdulla Elyas (private investment)
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre turbo
Power: 181hp
Torque: 230Nm
Transmission: 6-speed automatic
Starting price: Dh79,000
On sale: Now
Labour dispute
The insured employee may still file an ILOE claim even if a labour dispute is ongoing post termination, but the insurer may suspend or reject payment, until the courts resolve the dispute, especially if the reason for termination is contested. The outcome of the labour court proceedings can directly affect eligibility.
- Abdullah Ishnaneh, Partner, BSA Law
3%20Body%20Problem
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ECreators%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20David%20Benioff%2C%20D%20B%20Weiss%2C%20Alexander%20Woo%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarring%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EBenedict%20Wong%2C%20Jess%20Hong%2C%20Jovan%20Adepo%2C%20Eiza%20Gonzalez%2C%20John%20Bradley%2C%20Alex%20Sharp%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ERating%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%203%2F5%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Fines for littering
In Dubai:
Dh200 for littering or spitting in the Dubai Metro
Dh500 for throwing cigarette butts or chewing gum on the floor, or littering from a vehicle.
Dh1,000 for littering on a beach, spitting in public places, throwing a cigarette butt from a vehicle
In Sharjah and other emirates
Dh500 for littering - including cigarette butts and chewing gum - in public places and beaches in Sharjah
Dh2,000 for littering in Sharjah deserts
Dh500 for littering from a vehicle in Ras Al Khaimah
Dh1,000 for littering from a car in Abu Dhabi
Dh1,000 to Dh100,000 for dumping waste in residential or public areas in Al Ain
Dh10,000 for littering at Ajman's beaches
Five healthy carbs and how to eat them
Brown rice: consume an amount that fits in the palm of your hand
Non-starchy vegetables, such as broccoli: consume raw or at low temperatures, and don’t reheat
Oatmeal: look out for pure whole oat grains or kernels, which are locally grown and packaged; avoid those that have travelled from afar
Fruit: a medium bowl a day and no more, and never fruit juices
Lentils and lentil pasta: soak these well and cook them at a low temperature; refrain from eating highly processed pasta variants
Courtesy Roma Megchiani, functional nutritionist at Dubai’s 77 Veggie Boutique
Haircare resolutions 2021
From Beirut and Amman to London and now Dubai, hairstylist George Massoud has seen the same mistakes made by customers all over the world. In the chair or at-home hair care, here are the resolutions he wishes his customers would make for the year ahead.
1. 'I will seek consultation from professionals'
You may know what you want, but are you sure it’s going to suit you? Haircare professionals can tell you what will work best with your skin tone, hair texture and lifestyle.
2. 'I will tell my hairdresser when I’m not happy'
Massoud says it’s better to offer constructive criticism to work on in the future. Your hairdresser will learn, and you may discover how to communicate exactly what you want more effectively the next time.
3. ‘I will treat my hair better out of the chair’
Damage control is a big part of most hairstylists’ work right now, but it can be avoided. Steer clear of over-colouring at home, try and pursue one hair brand at a time and never, ever use a straightener on still drying hair, pleads Massoud.
UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
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